Why Men Hate Going to Church—and What Pastors Can Do About It

David Murrow, an elder at a Presbyterian church in Alaska, had a crisis of faith about 15 years ago. “I loved God, but I hated going to church,” he recalls. “Sunday morning would find my body in the pews, but my heart was elsewhere.” When he looked around, he saw many other men like him—born-again, Spirit-filled, faithful followers of Christ who went through the motions to keep their wives happy or had stopped attending altogether. That realization sparked a decade of research, culminating in the bestselling book Why Men Hate Going to Church, which has sold over 150,000 copies and spawned a thriving Facebook community, Church for Men, with over 5,000 followers. Murrow’s conclusion? Traditional churches are geared for women. “If the typical church were a TV show, it would be on the Oprah Network,” he says. “The culture of the church is very much oriented toward women.” From ladies’ teas and scrapbooking nights to the emphasis on caregiving and verbal skills, the church environment plays to the strengths of women—while men’s gifts in strategic planning, competition, and action-oriented ministry often lie fallow.

Murrow doesn’t believe men hate God or Jesus. They simply hate churchgoing because their wives are much better at it. “Think about the skills that you need to be good at being a churchgoer,” he explains. “You need to sing, read aloud, answer questions in Sunday School, and socialize before and after the service. It’s a lot of soft, interpersonal skills, verbal skills, and artistic skills.” When men try and fail to connect—when they don’t find God, don’t find anything they’re good at, and don’t feel needed—they often quit, just as Murrow did with golf. Meanwhile, many men experience profound encounters with God outside the walls of organized religion, whether hunting, fishing, or spending time with their children. Murrow urges churches to start with the sermon: shorter, more visual, and built around object lessons. “If a pastor really wants to turn his church around and get men in the pews, he should preach concise sermons built around object lessons,” he says. By doing so, churches might find that when they reach the men, the women will still come along for the journey.